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“Perfection shouldn’t be attainable, but when we chase perfection, we will catch excellence.” ~Vince Lombardi
Okay, let’s be actual for a second. As I sit right here attempting to put in writing this good essay about embracing imperfection, the irony isn’t misplaced on me. I’ve rewritten this opening paragraph about 5 occasions now. Previous habits die onerous, proper?
Image this: It’s 2:37 p.m. on a Wednesday afternoon. I’m pacing the lecture corridor, watching my legislation college students furiously scribbling away at their examination papers. Their furrowed brows and white-knuckle grips on their pens remind me of, effectively, me, not too way back.
Flashback to my very own legislation college days. There I used to be, the quintessential overachiever. Nostril perpetually buried in a casebook, surviving on a weight-reduction plan of espresso and sheer dedication. Excellent grades, good internships, good profession trajectory—these weren’t simply objectives, they have been my complete identification. The stress I placed on myself was so intense, I’m shocked my hair didn’t flip grey by commencement. (Spoiler alert: It’s beginning to now, however I digress.)
Quick-forward to my transition from working towards legislation to educating it. I assumed I had all of it discovered. Professor Kalyani Abhyankar, the flawless authorized thoughts, right here to form the following technology of legal professionals. Ha! If solely I knew what I used to be in for.
It was throughout one notably “memorable” lecture that my perfectionist facade started to crack. I had spent hours making ready what I assumed was a flawless presentation on constitutional legislation. I used to be on fireplace, if I do say so myself, rattling off case citations like a human authorized database. After which it occurred. I blended up two landmark instances.
The horror! The disgrace! In that second, I swear I may hear the ghost of Justice Brandeis weeping. I stood there, frozen on the podium, ready for the bottom to swallow me complete.
However then one thing surprising occurred. A scholar raised her hand and requested, “Professor Abhyankar, are you okay?”
And identical to that, the dam broke. All my insecurities got here flooding out in entrance of my class. My worry of not being ok, the crushing weight of all the time needing to be good, the nervousness that one mistake would unravel my complete profession.
To my utter shock, as a substitute of judgment, I used to be met with… understanding? Empathy, even? One in every of my college students really stated, “Wow, Prof. We all the time thought you have been this untouchable authorized genius. However this… this makes you human. It’s sort of inspiring, really.”
Inspiring? Me? The one having a meltdown in entrance of her class? However as I seemed across the room, I noticed nodding heads and relieved faces. It was as if by displaying my very own vulnerability, I had given them permission to be imperfect too.
This was the start of my messy, typically irritating, however finally liberating journey towards embracing imperfection. And let me let you know, it wasn’t a clean experience.
At first, I attempted to schedule “imperfection time” into my day. Sure, you learn that proper. I, Kalyani Abhyankar, recovering perfectionist, tried to good the artwork of being imperfect. The irony shouldn’t be misplaced on me, I guarantee you.
There have been setbacks galore. I’d resolve to be extra laid-back in school, solely to seek out myself obsessively color-coding my lecture notes at 2 AM. I’d promise myself I wouldn’t overthink my college students’ questions, then spend hours agonizing over whether or not my off-the-cuff reply about tort legislation was complete sufficient.
However slowly, oh so slowly, issues started to shift. I began to concentrate to my classroom with new eyes. I observed how essentially the most partaking discussions typically arose from questions I couldn’t reply straight away. I noticed how college students realized extra from working by means of errors than from memorizing good responses.
Listed here are a number of the adjustments I stumbled my manner by means of:
1. Practising self-compassion
As an alternative of berating myself for each perceived failure, I attempted to deal with myself with the identical kindness I’d supply a struggling scholar. This meant acknowledging my efforts, whatever the consequence. And sure, generally it meant trying within the mirror and saying, “You’re doing okay, Kalyani,” even after I felt like a complete impostor.
2. Setting life like objectives
Reasonably than aiming for an unattainable commonplace of perfection, I realized to set difficult however achievable objectives. This allowed me to have a good time progress and keep motivation. Novel idea, proper?
3. Embracing the training course of
I began to view errors—each mine and my college students’—not as failures however as beneficial educating moments. Every setback turned a possibility to deepen understanding and foster vital pondering. Who knew that “I don’t know, let’s determine it out collectively” may very well be such highly effective phrases in a classroom?
4. Cultivating a progress mindset
As an alternative of seeing authorized aptitude as mounted, I started to emphasise to my college students (and myself) the capability to develop abilities by means of effort and apply. This made us all extra keen to sort out difficult authorized issues, even when we didn’t all the time get it proper the primary time.
5. Letting go of comparability
I noticed that always measuring myself in opposition to different professors or authorized students was about as productive as attempting to show constitutional legislation to my cat. As an alternative, I targeted on my distinctive strengths as an educator and mentor.
Now, don’t get me unsuitable. I nonetheless have days the place my internal perfectionist rears its meticulously groomed head. I nonetheless sometimes discover myself up at midnight, agonizing over a single phrase selection in my lecture notes. Rome wasn’t inbuilt a day, and recovering perfectionists aren’t cured in a single day.
However right here’s the kicker: As I’ve realized to embrace my imperfections, I’ve really turn out to be a greater professor. Free from the paralysis of perfectionism, I’m extra artistic in my educating strategies, extra keen to sort out controversial authorized subjects, and extra open to suggestions from college students and colleagues.
My college students appear to favor this new, barely messier model of Professor Abhyankar. They’re extra engaged, extra keen to take dangers of their pondering, and—dare I say it—they appear to be having extra enjoyable. Who knew that constitutional legislation may really be gratifying?
To these nonetheless caught within the grip of perfectionism, whether or not in legislation college, authorized apply, or another subject, I supply this hard-won knowledge: Your value shouldn’t be decided by flawless efficiency. There may be profound power in vulnerability, in admitting that you simply’re nonetheless studying and rising.
Embrace your imperfections. They’re not weaknesses to be hidden however distinctive elements of who you’re as knowledgeable and human being. Let go of the exhausting chase for perfection and as a substitute, chase progress and authenticity.
In doing so, you could discover that you simply obtain issues far better than perfection—you obtain a life that’s totally and fantastically lived. And in the event you occur to combine up a number of Supreme Court docket instances alongside the best way? Nicely, you’re in good firm.
About Kalyani AbhyankarKalyani Abhyankar is a professor of legislation and mindset coach, specializing in administrative legislation and shopper safety. She is obsessed with serving to others domesticate a limitless mindset and private progress by means of her work on LinkedIn and past.
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